Ted Colin
Associate Editor
Humor News Nuts Publications
Along Michigan Highways and byways, there are tasty treats waiting there for all of us human carnivores. Carcases and hunks of meat are just lying there to be eaten by the first person or thing, that passes by. Many of the best meals I remember eating as a kid were ones my dad and mom scraped up off the road as we traveled around Northern Michigan.
Many people believe that the many thousands of furry morsels are the result of animal mutilations by aliens from another world. Still, others believe that the large number of tar fried critters is the results of excessive speeds on long and lonely Michigan highways where, only the concentration needed for text messaging while driving at excessive speeds, keeps many drivers sane.
One restaurant in Northern Michigan that specializes in road found meats is called the Shoulder Side Brisket and Biscuit. Each morning before going to the restaurant he owns and manages, Chef Louie DeCorpsey heads along the highways of Northern Michigan with his Special 008 Department of Natural Resources licence to pick up the recently deceased dinner bargains.
Over the years, Chef DeCorpsey has served up the most incredible meals made from the strangest of animals. "Most of the time," Chef DeCorpsey explains, "I don't know what the stuff is I'm picking up. Sometimes I get whole steaks. Other times, it's just hamburger. If it's been lying around long enough, it may already be turned into a nice bisque. The only problem I have is that sometimes with the larger animals there is a lot of windshield glass embedded in the meat. Getting out the glass is time consuming however, for the price, I can't complain."
Chef DeCorpsey passes on much of his savings to his customers. His $1.99 Gag Me With A Spoon Skunk Soup is a favorite with the local people. One elderly lady commented "I haven't had such good skunk soup since my granny used to make it during the depression".
Raccoon Raspberry Cream Pie and Squirrel Turnovers are among the favorite desert dishes served up at this little gem of a restaurant located in Northern Michigan. Of course the Porky Pine Nettle Tea will send quills up your spine.
So, there are various ways to enjoy road kill in Michigan. You can just sit and watch as various creatures peck away at the roadside buffets. Road kill sites bring out a diversity of wildlife each, looking for a free meal. Or of course, you can go to one of the many restaurants that advertise the fact they serve road kill (many more serve road kill but, call it beef, pork or, chicken). But, the truly adventurous among us scoop and scrap up the fleshy masses and take them home for a meal that all can enjoy.
Tuesday, January 24, 2023
Sunday, September 2, 2018
BOOGER SOUP AND CHEEZE
By Tim Colin
I have to tell you about a really unique restaurant located in Northern Michigan. This restaurant is known as the Booger Soup and Cheese Shop. It is owned by Eric Guenterhoffen III. Mr. Guenterhoffen is famous for his viking family oriented clothing stores located throughout the viking world. Now, Mr. Guenterhoffen is offering in his new restaurants his own families recipe for booger cheese soup. Booger cheese soup is of course the dish most commonly served in the nation of Swissboogerstan.
In Swissboogerstan, food products are chiefly derived from cattle. Of course, Mr. Guenterhoffen has given his restaurants Northern Michigan flair by insisting that all protein products used in his restaurants are from recycled animals found chiefly along local roadsides. Mr. Guenterhoffen insists that the main ingredient in his soup, boogers, tastes very much the same whether you use cow boogers or the boogers from deceased deer. Mr. Guenterhoofen says that deceased deer actually have slightly sweeter boogers than the boogers of their bovine counterparts. He also says that the snot used for the soup base is identical in tastes however; bovine snot tends to be a bit sudsier than the snot of our local white tail deer. The milk taken from dead deer carcasses tends to give the cheese a bit of a gamey flavor. This harkens back to the days when reindeer milk was the chief food element used by the natives of Swissboogerstan.
Now if booger soup is not your cup of tea, then perhaps you might just buy some Dead Deer Cheese TM. Dead Deer Cheese is a favorite in Northern Michigan during the winter time. A glass of red wine and some melting Dead Deer Cheese in the fondue maker makes for a romantic evening after a long day of skiing or snowmobiling.
I have to tell you about a really unique restaurant located in Northern Michigan. This restaurant is known as the Booger Soup and Cheese Shop. It is owned by Eric Guenterhoffen III. Mr. Guenterhoffen is famous for his viking family oriented clothing stores located throughout the viking world. Now, Mr. Guenterhoffen is offering in his new restaurants his own families recipe for booger cheese soup. Booger cheese soup is of course the dish most commonly served in the nation of Swissboogerstan.
In Swissboogerstan, food products are chiefly derived from cattle. Of course, Mr. Guenterhoffen has given his restaurants Northern Michigan flair by insisting that all protein products used in his restaurants are from recycled animals found chiefly along local roadsides. Mr. Guenterhoffen insists that the main ingredient in his soup, boogers, tastes very much the same whether you use cow boogers or the boogers from deceased deer. Mr. Guenterhoofen says that deceased deer actually have slightly sweeter boogers than the boogers of their bovine counterparts. He also says that the snot used for the soup base is identical in tastes however; bovine snot tends to be a bit sudsier than the snot of our local white tail deer. The milk taken from dead deer carcasses tends to give the cheese a bit of a gamey flavor. This harkens back to the days when reindeer milk was the chief food element used by the natives of Swissboogerstan.
Now if booger soup is not your cup of tea, then perhaps you might just buy some Dead Deer Cheese TM. Dead Deer Cheese is a favorite in Northern Michigan during the winter time. A glass of red wine and some melting Dead Deer Cheese in the fondue maker makes for a romantic evening after a long day of skiing or snowmobiling.
WHAT ROAD KILL DINING MEANS TO MICHIGAN
Most people do not realize how important road kill dining is in Michigan. Michigan is a very poor state with unemployment near quadruple digits in the best of times. You see we are primarily a tourist state and tourist only come here in the summer time for a couple of months. The rest of the year we depend on handouts from our fellow creatures like the animals that are so dumb they stare at cars and trucks coming straight at them instead of running away. These denizens of charity are what we in Michigan call road kill.
Now getting some road kill to eat is not a really easy thing to do. You see you have to compete with other creatures for your meals like mountain lions, bears, wolverines and also the most dangerous competitors of all, your relatives. Now the trick to getting food away from other creatures and your relatives at the same time is to get your relatives to be first to approach a vicious animal who is feeding on road kill. Hopefully the vicious animal will attack your relative and hence, while the vicious creature is eating say grandma, you can go ahead and feast on the road kill. Of course many Michiganders have already feasted on their elderly relatives in which case they try to trick a younger member of the family to approach say a hungry bear at a road kill site. The only problem is that said person have enough meat on them to distract said bear long enough so that the bear does not make a quick snack of the relative and go back to eating the coveted road kill.
Now, road kill is the most delicious and nutritious food available in the state of Michigan. What is great about Michigan is that because we have so many really horrible drivers here that road kill is a plentiful food source. Michigan has more road kill per pound per 100 feet than all the other 49 states and 19 provinces have combined. You see in Michigan our cars do not know the concept of 1st or 2nd gear. We also do not have a reverse in our cars. For the “R” on our throttles does not mean “Reverse“; it means “Race”.
Tuesday, June 18, 2013
THE BEST ROAD KILL RESTURANT IN MICHIGAN
By Tim Colin
Associate Editor,
Humor News Nuts Publications
I just got back from the best road kill restaurant I have ever gone too. The place is modestly called “The Tire Stake Café”. They serve the widest variety of animal stakes in the country. They even have stakes that come from Michigan endangered species like: the golden gopher, the lilac smelling skunk, the two headed square faced deer, the saber toothed tiger and even the speckled, plump rump Yeti. This food is yummy for your tummy, and rare.
Chef Hebert Hubert Hines told me that the reason the road kill at his restaurant was so delicious, was that he used only the juices of the animal itself to flavor the food. He told me that it was a little more work to suck up the juices off the payment, but the result was always well worth it. Chef Hubert also told me that none of his meat ever needed to be tender rendered. He said the weight of vehicles running over the meat for a few days, along with the constant pecking at the carcass by crows and seagulls, made the meat so tender that it would melt in your mouth.
Chef Hebert was so right about the meat melting in your mouth. In fact, the meat is so tender you have to eat it with a spoon. The meat will just drip through the tongs on a fork. I noticed that there were many very elderly patrons in the café who were using straws to suck up their meals.
With such a fine cuisine you would think that this café was a really price place to eat. Actually, the restaurant is one of the cheapest places I have ever dined. The special is an all you can eat meat buffet for only $1.99. Is that not a spectacular price? They even take competitors coupons so you can really eat cheap. I asked Chef Hebert why his prices were so competitive and he told me that because his meat was so tender, he saved a fortune on knives. He said that he liked to pass his savings on to the customers.
Overall, “The Tire Stake Café” is a great place to eat. The food is priced for the common man but tastes like it was prepared for kings. There is also a certain quaint ambiance about the café. For aesthetic purposes, there are no electric lights or indoor toilets in the Café. With no doors or glass in the windows you really don’t need any lights. Furthermore, there is an authentic outhouse that sits in front of the building but, you must make sure you ask for a roll of toilet paper before you go out to use it. They won’t actually give you toilet paper but instead, they will give you a handful of leaves. It really is an authentic backwoods restaurant. After my experience with “The Tire Stake Café”, all I can say is that I am definitely going back for seconds.
Associate Editor,
Humor News Nuts Publications
I just got back from the best road kill restaurant I have ever gone too. The place is modestly called “The Tire Stake Café”. They serve the widest variety of animal stakes in the country. They even have stakes that come from Michigan endangered species like: the golden gopher, the lilac smelling skunk, the two headed square faced deer, the saber toothed tiger and even the speckled, plump rump Yeti. This food is yummy for your tummy, and rare.
Chef Hebert Hubert Hines told me that the reason the road kill at his restaurant was so delicious, was that he used only the juices of the animal itself to flavor the food. He told me that it was a little more work to suck up the juices off the payment, but the result was always well worth it. Chef Hubert also told me that none of his meat ever needed to be tender rendered. He said the weight of vehicles running over the meat for a few days, along with the constant pecking at the carcass by crows and seagulls, made the meat so tender that it would melt in your mouth.
Chef Hebert was so right about the meat melting in your mouth. In fact, the meat is so tender you have to eat it with a spoon. The meat will just drip through the tongs on a fork. I noticed that there were many very elderly patrons in the café who were using straws to suck up their meals.
With such a fine cuisine you would think that this café was a really price place to eat. Actually, the restaurant is one of the cheapest places I have ever dined. The special is an all you can eat meat buffet for only $1.99. Is that not a spectacular price? They even take competitors coupons so you can really eat cheap. I asked Chef Hebert why his prices were so competitive and he told me that because his meat was so tender, he saved a fortune on knives. He said that he liked to pass his savings on to the customers.
Overall, “The Tire Stake Café” is a great place to eat. The food is priced for the common man but tastes like it was prepared for kings. There is also a certain quaint ambiance about the café. For aesthetic purposes, there are no electric lights or indoor toilets in the Café. With no doors or glass in the windows you really don’t need any lights. Furthermore, there is an authentic outhouse that sits in front of the building but, you must make sure you ask for a roll of toilet paper before you go out to use it. They won’t actually give you toilet paper but instead, they will give you a handful of leaves. It really is an authentic backwoods restaurant. After my experience with “The Tire Stake Café”, all I can say is that I am definitely going back for seconds.
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