ROAD KILL DINNING

Ted Colin
Associate Editor
Humor News Nuts Publications

Along Michigan Highways and byways, there are tasty treats waiting there for all of us human carnivores. Carcases and hunks of meat are just lying there to be eaten by the first person or thing, that passes by. Many of the best meals I remember eating as a kid were ones my dad and mom scraped up off the road as we traveled around Northern Michigan.

Many people believe that the many thousands of furry morsels are the result of animal mutilations by aliens from another world. Still, others believe that the large number of tar fried critters is the results of excessive speeds on long and lonely Michigan highways where, only the concentration needed for text messaging while driving at excessive speeds, keeps many drivers sane.

One restaurant in Northern Michigan that specializes in road found meats is called the Shoulder Side Brisket and Biscuit. Each morning before going to the restaurant he owns and manages, Chef Louie DeCorpsey heads along the highways of Northern Michigan with his Special 008 Department of Natural Resources licence to pick up the recently deceased dinner bargains.

Over the years, Chef DeCorpsey has served up the most incredible meals made from the strangest of animals. "Most of the time," Chef DeCorpsey explains, "I don't know what the stuff is I'm picking up. Sometimes I get whole steaks. Other times, it's just hamburger. If it's been lying around long enough, it may already be turned into a nice bisque. The only problem I have is that sometimes with the larger animals there is a lot of windshield glass embedded in the meat. Getting out the glass is time consuming however, for the price, I can't complain."

Chef DeCorpsey passes on much of his savings to his customers. His $1.99 Gag Me With A Spoon Skunk Soup is a favorite with the local people. One elderly lady commented "I haven't had such good skunk soup since my granny used to make it during the depression".

Raccoon Raspberry Cream Pie and Squirrel Turnovers are among the favorite desert dishes served up at this little gem of a restaurant located in Northern Michigan. Of course the Porky Pine Nettle Tea will send quills up your spine.

So, there are various ways to enjoy road kill in Michigan. You can just sit and watch as various creatures peck away at the roadside buffets. Road kill sites bring out a diversity of wildlife each, looking for a free meal. Or of course, you can go to one of the many restaurants that advertise the fact they serve road kill (many more serve road kill but, call it beef, pork or, chicken). But, the truly adventurous among us scoop and scrap up the fleshy masses and take them home for a meal that all can enjoy.